Rambling Thoughts

I've never had a blog before and this seems kind of fun. I just thought this would be an interesting way to keep track of my thoughts. I'm a college senior, about to graduate with a bachelor's degree in Chemical Engineering. Currently, I'm in a class called Philosophy through Film and it's been bringing up a lot of interesting thoughts. Right now we are on the topic of epistemology, how do we know what we know, which we are now blending in with ethics. It's an interesting class, but recently  I've been having a hard time making myself go to class. I like the class, I find the topic fascinating, it's just that no one participates.  It feels like an example of the disconnect between the millennials and the older generations. Or it  could just be that the entire class is comprised of extreme introverts, which at Tech wouldn't be so surprising. I don't know why that bothers me so much, except for the fact that the same thing appears to happen in Process Controls and Dynamics. No one speaks up or presents their ideas. It makes me feel really uncomfortable.  Given this, it would appear to that I should speak up and break this silence. I could indeed control my own uncomfort, and yet I don't.  Does that mean there is something wrong with me?  Is it unethical of me to sit there in silence when I may have an answer?  If I feel afraid to answer in class, where they encourage you to answer, how will I act when I finally venture out into the real world after college?


Another thing that has been bothering me is my family. My wedding is coming up shortly, and all I seem to do is fight over small things with my mom.  It seems like a typical wedding stress, it's just hard to live through. However, there are other problems I see too. My family has never really been too close. To me it seems almost artificial.  Easter is tomorrow, and it should be a celebration that the Lord and savior, Jesus Christ has risen from the dead. It is the greatest of miracles. I hope to go to church tomorrow. I hope to celebrate this glorious day with friends. Sadly, I have to get homework and housework done, but it still feels like a celebration of what God has given us.  Unfortunately, if I were to go home, I don't know if I would feel that way. I would be with family, which is important. However, their idea of a celebration is to get together, eat way too much food for days, and talk really loudly about politics. I don't know why this bothers me so. It just seems like their reason to celebrate isn't because Jesus died on the cross and rose 3 days later, but that it's another holiday that needs to be celebrated like any other day off we are given.  The holiday has become an empty shell. I want to go beyond that. Every holiday around my house feels the same, the lack of meaning behind it is starting to get to me. There are reasons these holidays are being observed, and I believe that we should observe them, and possibly learn something.


Lately with all of the stress of the upcoming changes in my life I have been very moody. I'm hoping that by writing out my thoughts that I can lessen the stress a bit. It's amazing the power of the written word, both on reader and writer.  Speaking of the power of the written word, I need to get back into the habit of writing Japanese and reading the Bible again.